Sitting by my grandfather’s hospital bed made me cry. He was there for three weeks after I found him in his bedroom; he had fallen. He had his own apartment, so I didn’t know until I arrived to see him. At age 17, I never thought of emotional pain coming to me. I thought of my future and all the happiness it held; reality was the total opposite. I was scared to lose him, because in my life I had six grandparents from my mom, dad, and stepdad’s family. Of those six grandparents, I only knew my dad’s mother, and my stepdad’s father, my grandfather in the hospital. My other grandfather and grandmother from their sides were never in my life and my mom’s parents lived in Korea, so I never got the chance to know them.
When he did wake up after three weeks, I was sitting by his side still. I hadn’t left his side except to go to school with sadness written on my face. I cried the entire time, so when he opened his eyes, he turned to me first out of everyone in the room, held my hand, and smiled at me. He only understood Korean, and I never really learned, so he smiled. Just from that look, I knew what he was saying. I believe a smile can say I love you. Because of illness and fatigue, he gave up on living and died; he was 83. After his death, I grieved a lot. He was the only family that I was really close to. One night a year after he died, I saw my grandfather in a dream. He was smiling at me the way he smiled in the hospital and I had peace; I believe a smile can say I love you.
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This is a really powerful essay. The emotional resonance is so strong, and I feel that your audience can see your experience and feelings. I also like how your belief is unique from the others we've heard so far.. there's nothing wrong with cliches, but it's nice to read about something completely original. I only have one suggestion. In the middle of your essay, there is a large portion describing the family you did and didn't know. I feel that this can be condensed a lot, and you may not even need the sentence "My other grandfather and grandmother from their sides were never in my life and my mom’s parents lived in Korea, so I never got the chance to know them." It doesn't directly pertain to your belief, and omitting it could free up some words to use elsewhere in your essay. Overall though, I love your essay and it's definitely my favorite so far =)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your essay because it gave a different kind of feeling. It was a very emotional essay and it really hit home. A smile in dramatic movie scenes where the hero is about to leave the one he loves he smiles at her in a heroic way which could also signify that he loves her. It is touching when you look at a person and you can just smile and know that they love you. It’s a much different smile than that you give a stranger.
ReplyDeleteYour narrative is really touching and well-written. I agree with you that even the subtlest gestures or the quiet moments with people you love can convey the greatest meanings. Also, I don't know if you were already aware of this but my mom told me that in Korean culture, when deceased relatives appear in dreams, they usually don't speak but they are trying to communicate with you. So I totally believe that your grandfather appeared in your dream to try and provide you with the closure you needed.
ReplyDeleteYour essay was very well written. It described a sad moment in your life that gave you a positive belief. This is powerful because while your belief is uplifting, the event that lead to it was all but that. The contrast shows just how a terrible moment can shine light upon a new aspect of life. The one thing I would say to help it would be to focus a little more on connect your belief and you moment. You spent most of the time describing the death of your grandfather and it felt that the belief was rushed.
ReplyDeleteYou convey emotion very well in your essay. I can sense both yours and your grandfather's. Also your writing is simple but powerful. If it isn't just your blog format, on suggestion would be to separate your essay into paragraphs. Overall your essay is well written and powerful.
ReplyDelete